What am I doing?

This afternoon I caught myself in a moment of "what the heck am I doing?". I was literally standing in my pantry eating chocolate chip granola bars - one after another - calculating the calories going in and thinking "what am I doing". Almost as though I had no recollection of the moments leading up to the pantry. Like I had been transported Star Trek style into my pantry. Beam me up, Scotty - 'cause I don't need these calories.

The pantry-trance isn't the pinnacle of the story. With every 100 calorie Quaker Oat Granola Bar (read as: 100 calorie candy bar) I ate, I proceeded to attempt to hide the evidence. First, I buried the wrapper in the garbage. Next, I threw out the wrapper in the bathroom trash. Still on the move to consume MORE, I took the wrapper into the garage. What the hell! Who am I hiding from??? Like some granola bar police is going to come by suddenly and put me in granola bar jail.

Lie #14: I deserve this. I have earned this 100 calories (times 5 or 50), and therefore it is mute. It doesn't count. So here is the 'back-light' on this story - yesterday I worked out hard. Not like a single class or a long run kind of hard, but like a three hour teaching kind of hard. And I'm sore today. And I want to be soothed. Apparently, Granola bars are soothing. The more the better.

THE TRUTH IS: (ugh, I don't want to write this. this is a fresh experience and I don't want to see the truth, even though I know it.) I know what I need, and when I tune into my needs I can best care for myself. So...in this situation, what I really needed was a hot bath, a long stretch, or a short nap. There are many alternatives I could have chosen. Yet, I picked the convenient quick fix. Not the best choice - just the most convenient.

Scotty...I'm still waiting...beam me up...