I don't know if it is true for men, but most women I have met have a body part that they dislike. For some it is their tummy, others their boobs, or maybe it is their legs. Mine is my butt.
You can imagine my surprise when in the first month of dating the man who is now my husband, he proclaimed my butt to be my best feature. Even now, almost 20 years later, he'll point out my asset in certain outfits. Flattering, right? Not when you don't agree. See when he thinks it looks great, I think it must be over emphasized.
Fast forward to Lawson. Lawson is seven. He isn't overly affectionate; not a huggy-kissy kind of boy. Yet, he likes to touch my butt. In a loving, endearing, pat-pat way. Sometimes while I'm getting ready in the morning, I feel a little hand resting on the side of my rear. Or if we are waiting in a long line, instead of holding my hand, he'll hold my saddle bag. It seems as though being a butt man is genetic.
How could this be??? The feature I hate, they love. My nemesis is their love. My Lex Luther is their Lois Lane. My Bluto is their Olive Oil.
"The voyage of true discovery lies not in seeking new landscapes, but in seeing with new eyes." --Marcel Proust
Proust didn't pen this quote for women to overcome image dismorphia, but his words couldn't be more perfect. Changing my "landscape" will not help me to "discover" a love for my bum. Even if I reshaped my backside into a new size or shape, I still wouldn't love it. Instead, seeing it through new eyes is the only strategy. The eyes of appreciation and awareness.
This week's challenge, should you choose to take it, is to use your body. Your body, even the parts we don't like, were made for a reason. They are made to support you in movement and fun. If you don't like your tummy, notice how it helps you sneeze or laugh. If you don't like your arms, notice how they help you hug your loved one. If you don't like your butt, notice how it moves your legs, allows you to walk and stand and chase your kids.
Feeling, emotionally and physically, through new eyes could be the way to a better butt. If you are looking for a used copy of Buns of Steel, you can have mine.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Lie to Me
My friend recently shared with me a quote she had read in a diet book. Unfortunately, I don't recall the book or the author, nor can I quote the quote word for word. Here is the gist: 'We have come to believe the lie that food that is bad for our health provides us with love, comfort, and joy.' As I read the quote, I instantly thought 'thank goodness!' Thank goodness a published author is telling the truth. The truth that your fat, my fat, has nothing to do with willpower, or eating good food and not eating bad food, or moving more.
Then I took a breath.
For me that is only one of the lies. Apparently, I fall more into the pathological category because I have a lot of lies. Body lies, what's possible lies, eating lies, need lies. Stuff like 'I could never weigh 128 pounds. I haven't weighed that since the sixth grade.' (Hmmm, never is a mighty long time.) Or 'It's Valentine's Day, we always go out for a nice dinner.' (Since when is the "day of love" defined by food.) Or 'If only I had more time, I could cook healthier food and exercise more.' There are a few versions to this one - more money, more knowledge, more willpower. (I sense a little irony in the MORE of something will lead to LESS of me.)
I have contracted these lies over a life time. Like an iron pipe that builds up rust over years from the weather - it's not a single storm that marks the pipe. There are some from early childhood, my college days, and now adulthood.
But for every lie there is an equal truth, and truth dissolves fat. So, shout "Hooray!" This means that revealing the lie is like breaking out a little sandpaper for the rusty pipe. Begin to believe the truth, rather than the lie and we can move forward rust-free.
Then I took a breath.
For me that is only one of the lies. Apparently, I fall more into the pathological category because I have a lot of lies. Body lies, what's possible lies, eating lies, need lies. Stuff like 'I could never weigh 128 pounds. I haven't weighed that since the sixth grade.' (Hmmm, never is a mighty long time.) Or 'It's Valentine's Day, we always go out for a nice dinner.' (Since when is the "day of love" defined by food.) Or 'If only I had more time, I could cook healthier food and exercise more.' There are a few versions to this one - more money, more knowledge, more willpower. (I sense a little irony in the MORE of something will lead to LESS of me.)
I have contracted these lies over a life time. Like an iron pipe that builds up rust over years from the weather - it's not a single storm that marks the pipe. There are some from early childhood, my college days, and now adulthood.
But for every lie there is an equal truth, and truth dissolves fat. So, shout "Hooray!" This means that revealing the lie is like breaking out a little sandpaper for the rusty pipe. Begin to believe the truth, rather than the lie and we can move forward rust-free.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
It's all in your head
There is a well known intersection that I pass by on a regular basis. It is the intersection of Hopeless Avenue and Desperation Drive. Most of us are wandering around the middle of this intersection with traffic - and life - whizzing by.
When I find myself there, it is because I'm engaging in some form of self-destructive behavior and I feel that I can't stop. I feel trapped in a frenzy. Like I've been swept up by a tornado and I can't escape the whirlwind. That is when I feel the desperation - like a wave of fear - struggling to be free.
Enter liposuction, the lap band, fen-fen, ephedrine, jaw wiring, etc. At times I wonder if the newest solution that everyone was getting results from was taste bud removal, would we consider it? Don't fool yourself. If you are at the intersection, you might. But the problem with taste bud removal is you end up binging on wood chips instead of potato chips. Either way you are still binging.
I am the best diet gimmick out there. And so are you. You see, in then end if we are choosing a tool to control our behavior, instead of trusting that the power is within us, we'll find ourselves at the corner of Hopeless Avenue and Desperation Drive. I don't mean to make it sound easy like flipping a switch because Lord knows I've struggled. I also don't know all there is to know about diets and self-control and personal power. All I know for sure is the solution isn't in a pill or a shot. It's all in your head...and your heart. (...whew! just go mooshy!)
When I find myself there, it is because I'm engaging in some form of self-destructive behavior and I feel that I can't stop. I feel trapped in a frenzy. Like I've been swept up by a tornado and I can't escape the whirlwind. That is when I feel the desperation - like a wave of fear - struggling to be free.
Enter liposuction, the lap band, fen-fen, ephedrine, jaw wiring, etc. At times I wonder if the newest solution that everyone was getting results from was taste bud removal, would we consider it? Don't fool yourself. If you are at the intersection, you might. But the problem with taste bud removal is you end up binging on wood chips instead of potato chips. Either way you are still binging.
I am the best diet gimmick out there. And so are you. You see, in then end if we are choosing a tool to control our behavior, instead of trusting that the power is within us, we'll find ourselves at the corner of Hopeless Avenue and Desperation Drive. I don't mean to make it sound easy like flipping a switch because Lord knows I've struggled. I also don't know all there is to know about diets and self-control and personal power. All I know for sure is the solution isn't in a pill or a shot. It's all in your head...and your heart. (...whew! just go mooshy!)
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
aaaah-chew
I thought I knew what I was going to write about tonight. But I don't.
If you have read any of the past posts, you know that I would write about a "lie" followed by the counter balance of the "truth". And then there was a long void when I didn't blog at all. I didn't want to write because I thought I was complaining and I thought the writing may be perpetuating a problem. It seemed like the more I shared, the more the corresponding behaviors showed up. Sort of like after you have a baby, the more you try not to pee your pants when you sneeze, the more you have to sneeze.
Then a friend suggested that I just write. No lie, no truth. She said it didn't matter what I had to say. Just write.
Don't you know I began to write, and was asked by fol-liars "where are the lies?" Which has made me realize something. We love familiarity and we hate change. And this is the biggest lie of all - change. We all see change through different lenses. I have a friend from grade school who loves change. She seeks change on purpose...bitch. Then there is the rest of us who run to hide from change.
Change in my life is a process. I'm starting at a snails pace and hoping to increase to slow walk in the change game. First I have to stop at the ladies room before I sneeze.
If you have read any of the past posts, you know that I would write about a "lie" followed by the counter balance of the "truth". And then there was a long void when I didn't blog at all. I didn't want to write because I thought I was complaining and I thought the writing may be perpetuating a problem. It seemed like the more I shared, the more the corresponding behaviors showed up. Sort of like after you have a baby, the more you try not to pee your pants when you sneeze, the more you have to sneeze.
Then a friend suggested that I just write. No lie, no truth. She said it didn't matter what I had to say. Just write.
Don't you know I began to write, and was asked by fol-liars "where are the lies?" Which has made me realize something. We love familiarity and we hate change. And this is the biggest lie of all - change. We all see change through different lenses. I have a friend from grade school who loves change. She seeks change on purpose...bitch. Then there is the rest of us who run to hide from change.
Change in my life is a process. I'm starting at a snails pace and hoping to increase to slow walk in the change game. First I have to stop at the ladies room before I sneeze.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
More, more, more
I want straight hair because mine is curly. I want a narrower butt because mine is curvy. I want the red sweater because I bought the blue one. I want greener grass.
My mind is wrapped around wanting different. And most of the different has to do with more, thinner, bigger...better. And dieting is quite the opposite. Dieting in my mind is deprivation. I don't like deprivation. If you tell me what I can't have, instantly I want more of that very thing.
This actually makes sense. Our brain is designed with a whole system to address deprivation. We have something called a reticular activating system (RAS - pronounced RAZ). Whatever you do, don't think of a pink elephant. Our brain has to imagine the pink elephant before it can know what it is now supposed to think of. So now, don't think of sugar. It just doesn't work that way.
What will you replace with instead of what will you eliminate.
I had an interesting experience with this concept recently. I read about "flavor clearing". Naturally I had to try it. The idea is you don't stimulate your taste buds for one hour. No toothpaste, no gum, no soda, etc. Then you take a Vitamin E, 2 Omega 3, and a flax seed oil supplement followed by another hour of "palate void". I never made it to the point of supplements.
On any other given day, I can easily go without flavor. On many occasions, I forget lunch. But tell me I can't have a single morsel, and all I want is a million morsels.
New year, new plan. More, more, more. I will increase, add, reinforce. The truth is more is better. Verde, olive, or lime - green is green, not greener.
My mind is wrapped around wanting different. And most of the different has to do with more, thinner, bigger...better. And dieting is quite the opposite. Dieting in my mind is deprivation. I don't like deprivation. If you tell me what I can't have, instantly I want more of that very thing.
This actually makes sense. Our brain is designed with a whole system to address deprivation. We have something called a reticular activating system (RAS - pronounced RAZ). Whatever you do, don't think of a pink elephant. Our brain has to imagine the pink elephant before it can know what it is now supposed to think of. So now, don't think of sugar. It just doesn't work that way.
What will you replace with instead of what will you eliminate.
I had an interesting experience with this concept recently. I read about "flavor clearing". Naturally I had to try it. The idea is you don't stimulate your taste buds for one hour. No toothpaste, no gum, no soda, etc. Then you take a Vitamin E, 2 Omega 3, and a flax seed oil supplement followed by another hour of "palate void". I never made it to the point of supplements.
On any other given day, I can easily go without flavor. On many occasions, I forget lunch. But tell me I can't have a single morsel, and all I want is a million morsels.
New year, new plan. More, more, more. I will increase, add, reinforce. The truth is more is better. Verde, olive, or lime - green is green, not greener.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
It Can't Be Right
I stood on the scale tonight. Not once or twice. Eight times. It was not conceivable that the scale was correct. Impossible. Not a single cell in my brain (even right now) believes that the scale is correct. I left it sitting on the bathroom floor, yelled for my husband to "get up here", and made him step on to see if he thought the scale was inaccurate. Nope.
How could this be???
According to the "inaccurate" scale, I have lost weight. It has to be wrong. I can not believe otherwise. I have abused my body over the last several weeks. I mean that - abused. And I expected a punishment for the abuse. The punishment of a weight gain.
Especially based on the last seven days. I find myself standing in the pantry eating chocolate truffles, caramel corn, almond roca, brownies...and within seconds of swallowing the last bit, thinking 'I need another'. In the same way I imagine an alcoholic craving the next drink. Just one more. Not in the same way that you might crave lemonade in the summer. Rather, an urge. Like a mosquito bite you have to scratch or the sensation to sneeze.
Up until tonight, I've been avoiding the scale. I assumed I'd gained ten pounds, and didn't want to face that reality. So, the results on the scale are shocking.
I often tell my clients who have sudden weight gain over a weekend or a vacation "Don't worry. Those pounds don't belong to you. They didn't belong to you a week ago, so tell yourself they don't belong to you now." The theory being if you don't allow your mind to hold on to the weight, neither will your body. Apparently this works on an unconscious level as well. Somewhere in my unconscious I have convinced myself that my weight is what it is. I may make bad choices here and there, but over time, I balance my choices.
I don't have to trust that the scale is right. I only need to trust that I am ok with me. I trust that I know how to make good choices.
How could this be???
According to the "inaccurate" scale, I have lost weight. It has to be wrong. I can not believe otherwise. I have abused my body over the last several weeks. I mean that - abused. And I expected a punishment for the abuse. The punishment of a weight gain.
Especially based on the last seven days. I find myself standing in the pantry eating chocolate truffles, caramel corn, almond roca, brownies...and within seconds of swallowing the last bit, thinking 'I need another'. In the same way I imagine an alcoholic craving the next drink. Just one more. Not in the same way that you might crave lemonade in the summer. Rather, an urge. Like a mosquito bite you have to scratch or the sensation to sneeze.
Up until tonight, I've been avoiding the scale. I assumed I'd gained ten pounds, and didn't want to face that reality. So, the results on the scale are shocking.
I often tell my clients who have sudden weight gain over a weekend or a vacation "Don't worry. Those pounds don't belong to you. They didn't belong to you a week ago, so tell yourself they don't belong to you now." The theory being if you don't allow your mind to hold on to the weight, neither will your body. Apparently this works on an unconscious level as well. Somewhere in my unconscious I have convinced myself that my weight is what it is. I may make bad choices here and there, but over time, I balance my choices.
I don't have to trust that the scale is right. I only need to trust that I am ok with me. I trust that I know how to make good choices.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
New Year, New You...Give Me a Break
Every magazine in the check out aisle has some version of "New Year, New You". As if the tick-tock of Midnight on December 31st unlocks the Houdini straight jacket that I've been living in. Can you relate to my reference? I feel that I have been bound by my body, that I have surrounded myself with layers of thick canvas and chains (also known as fat). And I want the quick fix of a "key" that releases the lock that keeps holding me back.
I've been on a roller coaster since October. Moments of blissful control, followed by the mindblowing plunge into "I'll eat whatever the hell I want" land. Whee! Then the roller coaster slows and begins to click-click-click up the control peak, reaches the top for a split second, then without a moment to catch my breath, I slip off the edge and speed toward the pastry counter.
But the solution is here. Just read the headlines. New Year. New Me. Yeah.
I want to buy it. Sort of.
What I really want is to feel the power of choice. The power of good choices. I've felt it before. But it isn't a quick fix. The way to gain power is through subtle shifts toward stability, instead of huge swings between good and evil. Something as simple as "I'm going to eat 1/4 cup of vegtables every day this week" could be the start of a new beginning for me. That sounds "stupid easy" and I need "stupid easy" to guaruntee I feel successful.
hmmm...so now I'm sitting here thinking 'is that easy enough'? No judgement, peanut gallery friends. I'm just being honest with myself. It isn't the amount, but rather, the preparation. I need to go to the store, stock the fridge and set myself up for success. By the way, this new year, new me plan starts tomorrow - Dec. 27th. I don't need the ticking of a clock to tell me it's time to change.
I've been on a roller coaster since October. Moments of blissful control, followed by the mindblowing plunge into "I'll eat whatever the hell I want" land. Whee! Then the roller coaster slows and begins to click-click-click up the control peak, reaches the top for a split second, then without a moment to catch my breath, I slip off the edge and speed toward the pastry counter.
But the solution is here. Just read the headlines. New Year. New Me. Yeah.
I want to buy it. Sort of.
What I really want is to feel the power of choice. The power of good choices. I've felt it before. But it isn't a quick fix. The way to gain power is through subtle shifts toward stability, instead of huge swings between good and evil. Something as simple as "I'm going to eat 1/4 cup of vegtables every day this week" could be the start of a new beginning for me. That sounds "stupid easy" and I need "stupid easy" to guaruntee I feel successful.
hmmm...so now I'm sitting here thinking 'is that easy enough'? No judgement, peanut gallery friends. I'm just being honest with myself. It isn't the amount, but rather, the preparation. I need to go to the store, stock the fridge and set myself up for success. By the way, this new year, new me plan starts tomorrow - Dec. 27th. I don't need the ticking of a clock to tell me it's time to change.
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