The Weight of Worth

There are two mornings out of every month when waking with my children is not my job. Those Saturdays are special. I savor them. Last Saturday was decadent. Rain outside made my bed cozier than usual.

I rolled out of bed anxious for a nice warm shower. I pulled the scale out from under the sink and stripped to ensure not a single excess ounce would be revealed. "Mom, can I weigh first?" breaks me from my Saturday morning daze. My six year old is standing in the doorway impatient to stand on the scale.

I adjust the scale to his "user profile". His previous weight flashes on the read out, followed by his current weight, and finally a glimpse of the delta. He is elated to see he has added five pounds to his six year old frame. I complement his new addition and we smile at the obvious blessing of a growing, healthy boy.

"Your turn mom." I adjust the scale to my profile. The scale diligently remembers my previous weight. Then, quickly shows me my current weight. There's no drum roll. (I would have appreciated a drum roll.) And, then the delta. "Ah, mom, you beat me! Six pounds!" He's beaming at me. Thrilled by what he sees as mom's victory.

Instantly, my morning is damp and dark. What I thought was a cozy morning moments ago has been altered. Lie #8: my worth is measured in weight.

THE TRUTH IS...a number is a number. That number doesn't own me, and it doesn't own you. Why do we stand on scales? I mean really - ponder this for a minute. Why? We know when we feel good. We know when our clothes are fitting great. We know. So, why bother with the scale?

I will not be measured by a number. There isn't a number big enough that can measure my worth. Therefore, scales are not for me.

Diet is Die with a T at the end

I HATE TO DIET. I hate everything about dieting. I don't like to count calories. I don't like to keep a food journal. I don't like to control my food intake.

I have been dieting since I was eight. I was a pudgy kid. A family member challenged me to lose 10 pounds in 30 days. If I lost the 10 pounds, I'd "win" $10. And thus began my lifetime of dieting.

I even start to think about dieting and I feel hungry. I hate deprivation. I don't want to go without. Writing this now, I have anxiety in my chest and I feel p*ss*d. Crazy, isn't it? I'm not on a diet. I'm not even contemplating starting one. Yet, just writing about a diet makes me cranky.

Lie #7 is that diets mean deprivation. Right? Don't you agree? This is a hard lie for me to see as untrue.

So, if diets aren't deprivation, what is the truth? THE TRUTH IS...I feel deprived because I am anticipating deprivation. It's my own fault, and it's all in my head. (Plus, here's the tid bit, because I cut my calories, my body is forced to work with less fuel. Less fuel in my blood stream from food means that my body has to get the fuel from inside my body. Part of what happens is the liver responds the way it's supposed to, the pancreas responds to the liver, and this chain reaction rapidly works its way to the brain...all along the way screaming "FEED ME!" Smaller, sublte changes would get me to my goal faster, without the overwhelming desire to binge.)

I will not be partaking in a diet any time soon. Instead, I'll be eating...a little less.

Eating Healthy is TOO Hard

Lie #6: Eating healthy is too hard for me to do successfully or consistently. (I love this lie. Here is why - you just read lie number six and your rational side, said 'don't be silly' and simultaneously you also said 'oh, I totally agree'.)

Over the last year, I have had times when I felt pretty cruddy. Several months ago I went to a doctor who tested my blood for many different hormone levels. Amongst the findings were that my adrenal glands were pooped out. My adrenals had thrown up their hands in defeat. I love quick fixes, so I was ready for my doc to say "Take two of these magnificent pills, and then ta-da, you'll be better". (Not to say that my doctor often uses the term "ta-da", but I was hopeful this would be the first). Instead, she recommended that I only eat whole foods. Nothing processed.

Okey dokey! No problem! I geared up for this major shift in my life by planning menus, grocery shopping, and changing habits I have had since I was five years old. It was hard. (Note: was). I did it for ten days, and I felt great. I could feel the positive changes in my body almost immediately. Super! So, why only ten days? Because I believed the lie. I had been telling myself it was going to be hard, and therefore, it was too hard.

THE TRUTH IS...eating healthy is easy. Your body craves the good stuff, when you give it the chance and listen to what you're body is saying. For me, it all starts with water. Water cleanses my palate. This means that I can tune into cravings - it's like my tongue is the radio station broadcasting what I am craving. Water also gives my belly pause. It puts my hunger in a holding pattern. (Tid bit: The body stinks at recognizing thirst, and sends a hunger single in place of thirst.) Finally, water just makes me feel like I am doing the right thing for my body, and psychologically, I don't want to mess up the good thing by eating crap.

Water, water everywhere, all I have to do is drink. Which means I am back on the wagon, starting by drinking plenty of water. I'll keep you posted on how I am feeling. Stay tuned.