I stood on the scale tonight. Not once or twice. Eight times. It was not conceivable that the scale was correct. Impossible. Not a single cell in my brain (even right now) believes that the scale is correct. I left it sitting on the bathroom floor, yelled for my husband to "get up here", and made him step on to see if he thought the scale was inaccurate. Nope.
How could this be???
According to the "inaccurate" scale, I have lost weight. It has to be wrong. I can not believe otherwise. I have abused my body over the last several weeks. I mean that - abused. And I expected a punishment for the abuse. The punishment of a weight gain.
Especially based on the last seven days. I find myself standing in the pantry eating chocolate truffles, caramel corn, almond roca, brownies...and within seconds of swallowing the last bit, thinking 'I need another'. In the same way I imagine an alcoholic craving the next drink. Just one more. Not in the same way that you might crave lemonade in the summer. Rather, an urge. Like a mosquito bite you have to scratch or the sensation to sneeze.
Up until tonight, I've been avoiding the scale. I assumed I'd gained ten pounds, and didn't want to face that reality. So, the results on the scale are shocking.
I often tell my clients who have sudden weight gain over a weekend or a vacation "Don't worry. Those pounds don't belong to you. They didn't belong to you a week ago, so tell yourself they don't belong to you now." The theory being if you don't allow your mind to hold on to the weight, neither will your body. Apparently this works on an unconscious level as well. Somewhere in my unconscious I have convinced myself that my weight is what it is. I may make bad choices here and there, but over time, I balance my choices.
I don't have to trust that the scale is right. I only need to trust that I am ok with me. I trust that I know how to make good choices.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Sunday, December 26, 2010
New Year, New You...Give Me a Break
Every magazine in the check out aisle has some version of "New Year, New You". As if the tick-tock of Midnight on December 31st unlocks the Houdini straight jacket that I've been living in. Can you relate to my reference? I feel that I have been bound by my body, that I have surrounded myself with layers of thick canvas and chains (also known as fat). And I want the quick fix of a "key" that releases the lock that keeps holding me back.
I've been on a roller coaster since October. Moments of blissful control, followed by the mindblowing plunge into "I'll eat whatever the hell I want" land. Whee! Then the roller coaster slows and begins to click-click-click up the control peak, reaches the top for a split second, then without a moment to catch my breath, I slip off the edge and speed toward the pastry counter.
But the solution is here. Just read the headlines. New Year. New Me. Yeah.
I want to buy it. Sort of.
What I really want is to feel the power of choice. The power of good choices. I've felt it before. But it isn't a quick fix. The way to gain power is through subtle shifts toward stability, instead of huge swings between good and evil. Something as simple as "I'm going to eat 1/4 cup of vegtables every day this week" could be the start of a new beginning for me. That sounds "stupid easy" and I need "stupid easy" to guaruntee I feel successful.
hmmm...so now I'm sitting here thinking 'is that easy enough'? No judgement, peanut gallery friends. I'm just being honest with myself. It isn't the amount, but rather, the preparation. I need to go to the store, stock the fridge and set myself up for success. By the way, this new year, new me plan starts tomorrow - Dec. 27th. I don't need the ticking of a clock to tell me it's time to change.
I've been on a roller coaster since October. Moments of blissful control, followed by the mindblowing plunge into "I'll eat whatever the hell I want" land. Whee! Then the roller coaster slows and begins to click-click-click up the control peak, reaches the top for a split second, then without a moment to catch my breath, I slip off the edge and speed toward the pastry counter.
But the solution is here. Just read the headlines. New Year. New Me. Yeah.
I want to buy it. Sort of.
What I really want is to feel the power of choice. The power of good choices. I've felt it before. But it isn't a quick fix. The way to gain power is through subtle shifts toward stability, instead of huge swings between good and evil. Something as simple as "I'm going to eat 1/4 cup of vegtables every day this week" could be the start of a new beginning for me. That sounds "stupid easy" and I need "stupid easy" to guaruntee I feel successful.
hmmm...so now I'm sitting here thinking 'is that easy enough'? No judgement, peanut gallery friends. I'm just being honest with myself. It isn't the amount, but rather, the preparation. I need to go to the store, stock the fridge and set myself up for success. By the way, this new year, new me plan starts tomorrow - Dec. 27th. I don't need the ticking of a clock to tell me it's time to change.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
In Control, Out of Control
I have bouts of too much followed by bouts of not enough. Too much exercise, not enough exercise. Too much food, not enough food. Too much. Not enough.
There must be an easier way.
Tonight, I ate an early dinner. At 4pm, I had a PBJ and fresh cherries. Then at 9pm, I had a slice and a half of cheese pizza. That doesn't sound TOO bad, right? Then I remembered the GIANT Hershey's chocolate bar. Not the normal size chocolate bar. The chocolate bar that has like six normal serving sizes in one wrapper. I devoured it. Not in an elegant, savoring kind of devouring. Nope. A secretive, hiding in the pantry kind of scarfing.
There must be a better way.
So, why the picture? I have never posted me before. I have posted about me, but never me. I've decided I'm not going to hide like a pantry scarfing chocolate bandit any more.
Ericka's Insight
This is a posting that I shared with The Herald as a Trainer Tip for the Healthy Challenge. Not sure if they will use it, but thought I'd share it with you!
Starting a new exercise program is a big undertaking. The effort to move the body in the early stages of your program is hard! Mentally you are fatigued and want to stop after five minutes. Your muscles burn during the bout of exercise and ache after. Your heart pumps hard and fast, and your lungs burn. The human body responds to your demands by losing weight, building muscle, and improving cardiovascular response.
And then you plateau. The human body is highly adaptable. The goal of the human body is to avoid stress and become efficient. Therefore, the workout plan you began with is probably not enough to stress, fatigue and change your body today. It worked for the first few weeks, but your body has become wise to your efforts.
It is time to shake up your routine. Now you may be thinking 'Oh my goodness. I'm already exercising so much and so hard.' Think of your workouts in terms of four key criteria: Frequency, Intensity, Time, and Type. Then apply change to one or multiple of these areas. Keep in mind it may be that you increase in one area, while decreasing another. For example, increasing the intensity may require that you decrease the time. Another example might be increasing the frequency (exercising several times through out the day), while decreasing the time of each workout (only 10 or 15 minutes each bout of exercise).
A regular evaluation of your F.I.T.T.-ness plan will keep your body guessing, your health will continue to improve, and the results you are seeking will be yours before you know it!
Starting a new exercise program is a big undertaking. The effort to move the body in the early stages of your program is hard! Mentally you are fatigued and want to stop after five minutes. Your muscles burn during the bout of exercise and ache after. Your heart pumps hard and fast, and your lungs burn. The human body responds to your demands by losing weight, building muscle, and improving cardiovascular response.
And then you plateau. The human body is highly adaptable. The goal of the human body is to avoid stress and become efficient. Therefore, the workout plan you began with is probably not enough to stress, fatigue and change your body today. It worked for the first few weeks, but your body has become wise to your efforts.
It is time to shake up your routine. Now you may be thinking 'Oh my goodness. I'm already exercising so much and so hard.' Think of your workouts in terms of four key criteria: Frequency, Intensity, Time, and Type. Then apply change to one or multiple of these areas. Keep in mind it may be that you increase in one area, while decreasing another. For example, increasing the intensity may require that you decrease the time. Another example might be increasing the frequency (exercising several times through out the day), while decreasing the time of each workout (only 10 or 15 minutes each bout of exercise).
A regular evaluation of your F.I.T.T.-ness plan will keep your body guessing, your health will continue to improve, and the results you are seeking will be yours before you know it!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Do you think he knows?
This is my baby.
Although recently he has informed me that I am no longer allowed to call him baby - sweetie is ok, but baby is out of the question.
I am blessed with great kids. They are well behaved, kind, loving boys. Both of them are happy, well-adjusted kids. My "sweetie" is the lover; he hugs and kisses, and I eat it up!
They are BIG boys. Heavy little monkeys that the average Joe cannot pick up and cuddle. And I'm worried. Am I perpetuating a cycle of weight preoccupation? Am I setting them up for a future of "diets"?
My hubby and I were both big kids. We have experienced ebbs and flows in our weight. Times in our lives when we rejoiced in our trim existence, and times when our full belly interfered with simple tasks like tying our shoes. So, there is a part of my brain that firmly believes that my kids are big because of genetics. That is just who they are - right down to their DNA. There is also a part of my more rational brain that wants me to control their diet down to the last calorie.
Voila! This is my reality. This is my world. This is how I live. I vacillate between lax eating (trusting that my genetics are dictating my physique and my appetite) and controlled calorie consumption (recognizing that ultimately what goes into my mouth is my responsibility).
My sweetie knows that I love him. I love him just the way he is; he is perfect in every way. I would be willing to bet that my mom thinks that I'm perfect too. My job now is to foster his confidence and the joy of movement, and to love him. He doesn't know that I am fat or thin, but he knows that he is perfect in my eyes. Together, we'll find a balance, and with balance the cycle of obesity will be broken.
Although recently he has informed me that I am no longer allowed to call him baby - sweetie is ok, but baby is out of the question.I am blessed with great kids. They are well behaved, kind, loving boys. Both of them are happy, well-adjusted kids. My "sweetie" is the lover; he hugs and kisses, and I eat it up!
They are BIG boys. Heavy little monkeys that the average Joe cannot pick up and cuddle. And I'm worried. Am I perpetuating a cycle of weight preoccupation? Am I setting them up for a future of "diets"?
My hubby and I were both big kids. We have experienced ebbs and flows in our weight. Times in our lives when we rejoiced in our trim existence, and times when our full belly interfered with simple tasks like tying our shoes. So, there is a part of my brain that firmly believes that my kids are big because of genetics. That is just who they are - right down to their DNA. There is also a part of my more rational brain that wants me to control their diet down to the last calorie.
Voila! This is my reality. This is my world. This is how I live. I vacillate between lax eating (trusting that my genetics are dictating my physique and my appetite) and controlled calorie consumption (recognizing that ultimately what goes into my mouth is my responsibility).
My sweetie knows that I love him. I love him just the way he is; he is perfect in every way. I would be willing to bet that my mom thinks that I'm perfect too. My job now is to foster his confidence and the joy of movement, and to love him. He doesn't know that I am fat or thin, but he knows that he is perfect in my eyes. Together, we'll find a balance, and with balance the cycle of obesity will be broken.
Friday, March 19, 2010
If it were only that easy
The choices are endless. Diets I mean. And everyone has an opinion. My ears perk up when I hear things like "Oh, have you ever tried the Mayo Clinic Diet?" or "Have you ever heard of the 1 hour diet?"
See...you just did it too. The 1 hour diet - what's that? Right!?! You're wondering, what is the 1 hour diet?? And does it work??? It's MADE up. Like the rest of the - brace yourself, I'm about to be bold, snotty and fussy - sucker diets out there. They are all made up!
Even - again brace yourself, this is where some of my beloved friends who read this blurb will say to themselves "argh, she's talking about me"...I'm not - the "Eat Clean" or "Clean Eating" or "Whole Food Eating" DIET is made up!!!
But when we overhear someone say that it WORKED. Well, then who cares if it's for suckers. If it works, then I'm willing to be a sucker too. Lie #16: Diets work.
THE TRUTH IS: Diets don't work. What is at work (when a diet is successful) is the mindset of the individual adhering to it. At ANY given moment, you have the ability to eat right. You know what to do. You know what is good for you. You know how to eat 'just enough', but not too much.
You're smarter than any diet out there. Now, we just need to act like it.
See...you just did it too. The 1 hour diet - what's that? Right!?! You're wondering, what is the 1 hour diet?? And does it work??? It's MADE up. Like the rest of the - brace yourself, I'm about to be bold, snotty and fussy - sucker diets out there. They are all made up!
Even - again brace yourself, this is where some of my beloved friends who read this blurb will say to themselves "argh, she's talking about me"...I'm not - the "Eat Clean" or "Clean Eating" or "Whole Food Eating" DIET is made up!!!
But when we overhear someone say that it WORKED. Well, then who cares if it's for suckers. If it works, then I'm willing to be a sucker too. Lie #16: Diets work.
THE TRUTH IS: Diets don't work. What is at work (when a diet is successful) is the mindset of the individual adhering to it. At ANY given moment, you have the ability to eat right. You know what to do. You know what is good for you. You know how to eat 'just enough', but not too much.
You're smarter than any diet out there. Now, we just need to act like it.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Parts is Parts
If only I could love the sum of all of my parts. I like my feet, my elbows are nice, and my ears are shaped against my head which is great to keep my hair out of my eyes.Here are my feet, pool side in San Antonio. I like this picture. Except the sign on the pool deck is wrong...it should say two feet. Clearly there are not 3 in the picture.
The trick is to love the other bits and nuggets that make up me. I don't mean like a love fest to rival the 60's. I just mean appreciating, excepting, mildly adoring on occasion the belly, the buns, and the boobalas. Those are the big three, right? The sum of love I'm looking for is actually three. I want to love those three parts.
Lie #15: I'll know a perfect body when I achieve it.
THE TRUTH IS: A perfect body isn't perfect if you don't know it. We have got to pay attention to the good stuff. I'm not saying my big three are good stuff, but they aren't too shabby either. I think if we can start celebrating some of the sum, acceptance of the total package is just around the corner.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
It's called biology
Blurb post, or blog post number two for tonight. There is more to the story of the QGB's. (You'll have to read the other post to know what QGB stands for.)
It dawned on me that there could be a biological reason for my major carb/sugar cravings. I've also been drinking a lot of caffeine lately. I'm fussy, too. (To my one my male reader, you may want to stop reading now. We're going to get girly here.)
I'm not exceptionally intuitive when it comes to my body. Momma Nature needs to use a bull horn when she's talking to me. My lesson learned: I need to be nice - to me. I was beating myself over QGB's and all it was was PMS.
It dawned on me that there could be a biological reason for my major carb/sugar cravings. I've also been drinking a lot of caffeine lately. I'm fussy, too. (To my one my male reader, you may want to stop reading now. We're going to get girly here.)
I'm not exceptionally intuitive when it comes to my body. Momma Nature needs to use a bull horn when she's talking to me. My lesson learned: I need to be nice - to me. I was beating myself over QGB's and all it was was PMS.
Oops, I did it again
It has come to my attention that Quaker 100 Calorie Granola Bars are addicting. Last weekend my husband did a Costco run and picked up the man-sized box of these mean little munchies. There were 60 in the box. Note: "were". Here's your 3rd grade story problem of the day...yep...you got it. 6000 calories.
No, I didn't eat them all myself. Not all of them.
They aren't decadent. They aren't exceptional. I don't love them. They are ok, at best. So, why am I gobbling up like pac-man? I thought at first it was Lie #14, but I now think it was Lie #15: Deprivation is on the horizon. I'm not talking about the fear that I would be deprived of the Quaker Granola Bar, but rather a full-scale deprivation. So, the QGB's represent the Sunday night binge before the Monday morning diet.
I am not starting a diet, but I am looking into a lifestyle change. I have been reading a lot about eating a vegetarian or a vegan diet, with a twist - no caffeine, no sugar, and no processed foods. Ha! Even writing it I'm thinking 'what the hell will I eat'. Obviously I'm not ready to make this change, so I'm exploring it. I'm taunting it. I'm daring it to sound good to me.
Bottom line is the truth. THE TRUTH IS: Today is the day for choice. "At this moment" should be my mantra. The horizon shouldn't dictate my choice. I get one chance in any given moment to make a choice. And if in that moment I make a choice that doesn't meet my needs, I can make a new choice in the new moment.
No, I didn't eat them all myself. Not all of them.
They aren't decadent. They aren't exceptional. I don't love them. They are ok, at best. So, why am I gobbling up like pac-man? I thought at first it was Lie #14, but I now think it was Lie #15: Deprivation is on the horizon. I'm not talking about the fear that I would be deprived of the Quaker Granola Bar, but rather a full-scale deprivation. So, the QGB's represent the Sunday night binge before the Monday morning diet.
I am not starting a diet, but I am looking into a lifestyle change. I have been reading a lot about eating a vegetarian or a vegan diet, with a twist - no caffeine, no sugar, and no processed foods. Ha! Even writing it I'm thinking 'what the hell will I eat'. Obviously I'm not ready to make this change, so I'm exploring it. I'm taunting it. I'm daring it to sound good to me.
Bottom line is the truth. THE TRUTH IS: Today is the day for choice. "At this moment" should be my mantra. The horizon shouldn't dictate my choice. I get one chance in any given moment to make a choice. And if in that moment I make a choice that doesn't meet my needs, I can make a new choice in the new moment.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
What am I doing?
This afternoon I caught myself in a moment of "what the heck am I doing?". I was literally standing in my pantry eating chocolate chip granola bars - one after another - calculating the calories going in and thinking "what am I doing". Almost as though I had no recollection of the moments leading up to the pantry. Like I had been transported Star Trek style into my pantry. Beam me up, Scotty - 'cause I don't need these calories.
The pantry-trance isn't the pinnacle of the story. With every 100 calorie Quaker Oat Granola Bar (read as: 100 calorie candy bar) I ate, I proceeded to attempt to hide the evidence. First, I buried the wrapper in the garbage. Next, I threw out the wrapper in the bathroom trash. Still on the move to consume MORE, I took the wrapper into the garage. What the hell! Who am I hiding from??? Like some granola bar police is going to come by suddenly and put me in granola bar jail.
Lie #14: I deserve this. I have earned this 100 calories (times 5 or 50), and therefore it is mute. It doesn't count. So here is the 'back-light' on this story - yesterday I worked out hard. Not like a single class or a long run kind of hard, but like a three hour teaching kind of hard. And I'm sore today. And I want to be soothed. Apparently, Granola bars are soothing. The more the better.
THE TRUTH IS: (ugh, I don't want to write this. this is a fresh experience and I don't want to see the truth, even though I know it.) I know what I need, and when I tune into my needs I can best care for myself. So...in this situation, what I really needed was a hot bath, a long stretch, or a short nap. There are many alternatives I could have chosen. Yet, I picked the convenient quick fix. Not the best choice - just the most convenient.
Scotty...I'm still waiting...beam me up...
The pantry-trance isn't the pinnacle of the story. With every 100 calorie Quaker Oat Granola Bar (read as: 100 calorie candy bar) I ate, I proceeded to attempt to hide the evidence. First, I buried the wrapper in the garbage. Next, I threw out the wrapper in the bathroom trash. Still on the move to consume MORE, I took the wrapper into the garage. What the hell! Who am I hiding from??? Like some granola bar police is going to come by suddenly and put me in granola bar jail.
Lie #14: I deserve this. I have earned this 100 calories (times 5 or 50), and therefore it is mute. It doesn't count. So here is the 'back-light' on this story - yesterday I worked out hard. Not like a single class or a long run kind of hard, but like a three hour teaching kind of hard. And I'm sore today. And I want to be soothed. Apparently, Granola bars are soothing. The more the better.
THE TRUTH IS: (ugh, I don't want to write this. this is a fresh experience and I don't want to see the truth, even though I know it.) I know what I need, and when I tune into my needs I can best care for myself. So...in this situation, what I really needed was a hot bath, a long stretch, or a short nap. There are many alternatives I could have chosen. Yet, I picked the convenient quick fix. Not the best choice - just the most convenient.
Scotty...I'm still waiting...beam me up...
Monday, February 15, 2010
No lie, just thoughts
You know the saying 'whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right'? I like the quote, and I believe it's true. But I think there is another layer that should be added. My quote would be something like "Decide you can, because you are right". Do you see how it is different? I think the 'decide' part changes the whole kit and kaboodle.
When you add the idea of 'deciding', it puts the responsibility on you. Now the quote says "Look, you can be lazy or you can be intentional, but once you make up your mind, take personal responsibility for the out come." Holy crap! Personal responsibility.
Kind of freaky, isn't it? To think about personal responsibility as it relates to whether you consume double chocolate fudge brownies with caramel and marshmallow swirled in is a little nerve wracking!! We talk a lot about taking responsibility for the way we treat things and others and property and pets, but what about ourselves?
I'm reminded of the "parent license". The idea that you need a license to drive a car, but you don't need a license to parent. How about license to take care of your own body?
Have I gone to deep on this one? Have I entered into esoteric rhetoric? Is it "new age" to think that the missing link in diet success is personal responsibility? Responsibility for the care and upkeep of the only body you've got.
No lies here. Just thoughts. Thoughts to take responsibility for and to ponder.
When you add the idea of 'deciding', it puts the responsibility on you. Now the quote says "Look, you can be lazy or you can be intentional, but once you make up your mind, take personal responsibility for the out come." Holy crap! Personal responsibility.
Kind of freaky, isn't it? To think about personal responsibility as it relates to whether you consume double chocolate fudge brownies with caramel and marshmallow swirled in is a little nerve wracking!! We talk a lot about taking responsibility for the way we treat things and others and property and pets, but what about ourselves?
I'm reminded of the "parent license". The idea that you need a license to drive a car, but you don't need a license to parent. How about license to take care of your own body?
Have I gone to deep on this one? Have I entered into esoteric rhetoric? Is it "new age" to think that the missing link in diet success is personal responsibility? Responsibility for the care and upkeep of the only body you've got.
No lies here. Just thoughts. Thoughts to take responsibility for and to ponder.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Cindy Sostrong
This is Cindy Sostrong (names have been changed to protect the innocent) during one of our training sessions. We have a rule during our training sessions - No Self-Deprecating Comments. There are consequences for individuals who choose to break this rule. On this particular day, Cindy made the fatal mistake of saying she was weak. You see...she's not.
I relate to her - and so do you. We all do this. We view ourselves through cracked glasses. My butt is too big, my thighs are too wide, my belly is a pony keg, I'm not strong enough, I'm too strong. And the list goes on.
We look in the mirror and see the imperfection rather than perfection. Lie #13: I am less than... The lie that we don't measure up in some way.
THE TRUTH IS: each of us is made unique and in our individual uniqueness is perfection. There isn't a standard or a cookie cutter that allows you to match another. And yet, we insist on pressing our perfection against the cookie cutter. Stop pressing and start appreciating your greatness. Celebrate what makes you yummy - because you are.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Almond Rocca Anonymous
I have heard people say that addiction is being powerless over something. I believe I may have met my match. I am powerless over Almond Rocca. Not just any Almond Rocca, but the homemade Almond Rocca that one of my clients brought me over the holidays.
She brought me the package - in a celophane bag, inside a paper bag, inside a plastic grocery sack. I should have known then that this was an illicit exchange. Instead, I accepted the package, naive of the power inside. I set it on the front seat of my car and set off to pick up my preschooler. While sitting at a stop light, hunger hit me. I casually thought 'I'll just have a piece and put the rest in a candy dish for guests'. HA! If I knew then, what I know now.
It started with one piece. By the time I pulled into the preschool driveway I had eaten enough of this mistress of a treat that it was stuck in my teeth. In the process of getting out of the car, I covered up the bag with my coat so that my three year old wouldn't ask for a piece. And the idea of sharing it in a dish with house guests - out of the question!
It took about 36 hours to devour the contents of the bag. I left it hidden in my car. I found myself suddenly needing to make a quick trip to the post office to get a "fix" off my "stash". Please know that I am not making light of addiction. When my drug of choice was in my presence, I felt powerless. I know it isn't heroin or crack or liquor. But it felt just as salacious at the time.
Lie #12: I am powerless.
THE TRUTH IS: No one and nothing takes away my power. At any given time I have a choice. I recently had the joy of participating in an exercise where I closed my eyes (for one minute or for as long as was comfortable) and said the words "inhale" and "exhale" to myself as I breathed in and out. As thoughts entered my mind, I visualized a stream and saw my thoughts dropping on to the stream like a twig or a leaf and floating away. The point is to teach ourselves that we have control of our thoughts at all times.
So, next year when Homemade Almond Rocca makes its way into my hands, I will be dropping it off in a stream.
She brought me the package - in a celophane bag, inside a paper bag, inside a plastic grocery sack. I should have known then that this was an illicit exchange. Instead, I accepted the package, naive of the power inside. I set it on the front seat of my car and set off to pick up my preschooler. While sitting at a stop light, hunger hit me. I casually thought 'I'll just have a piece and put the rest in a candy dish for guests'. HA! If I knew then, what I know now.
It started with one piece. By the time I pulled into the preschool driveway I had eaten enough of this mistress of a treat that it was stuck in my teeth. In the process of getting out of the car, I covered up the bag with my coat so that my three year old wouldn't ask for a piece. And the idea of sharing it in a dish with house guests - out of the question!
It took about 36 hours to devour the contents of the bag. I left it hidden in my car. I found myself suddenly needing to make a quick trip to the post office to get a "fix" off my "stash". Please know that I am not making light of addiction. When my drug of choice was in my presence, I felt powerless. I know it isn't heroin or crack or liquor. But it felt just as salacious at the time.
Lie #12: I am powerless.
THE TRUTH IS: No one and nothing takes away my power. At any given time I have a choice. I recently had the joy of participating in an exercise where I closed my eyes (for one minute or for as long as was comfortable) and said the words "inhale" and "exhale" to myself as I breathed in and out. As thoughts entered my mind, I visualized a stream and saw my thoughts dropping on to the stream like a twig or a leaf and floating away. The point is to teach ourselves that we have control of our thoughts at all times.
So, next year when Homemade Almond Rocca makes its way into my hands, I will be dropping it off in a stream.
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