I have heard people say that addiction is being powerless over something. I believe I may have met my match. I am powerless over Almond Rocca. Not just any Almond Rocca, but the homemade Almond Rocca that one of my clients brought me over the holidays.
She brought me the package - in a celophane bag, inside a paper bag, inside a plastic grocery sack. I should have known then that this was an illicit exchange. Instead, I accepted the package, naive of the power inside. I set it on the front seat of my car and set off to pick up my preschooler. While sitting at a stop light, hunger hit me. I casually thought 'I'll just have a piece and put the rest in a candy dish for guests'. HA! If I knew then, what I know now.
It started with one piece. By the time I pulled into the preschool driveway I had eaten enough of this mistress of a treat that it was stuck in my teeth. In the process of getting out of the car, I covered up the bag with my coat so that my three year old wouldn't ask for a piece. And the idea of sharing it in a dish with house guests - out of the question!
It took about 36 hours to devour the contents of the bag. I left it hidden in my car. I found myself suddenly needing to make a quick trip to the post office to get a "fix" off my "stash". Please know that I am not making light of addiction. When my drug of choice was in my presence, I felt powerless. I know it isn't heroin or crack or liquor. But it felt just as salacious at the time.
Lie #12: I am powerless.
THE TRUTH IS: No one and nothing takes away my power. At any given time I have a choice. I recently had the joy of participating in an exercise where I closed my eyes (for one minute or for as long as was comfortable) and said the words "inhale" and "exhale" to myself as I breathed in and out. As thoughts entered my mind, I visualized a stream and saw my thoughts dropping on to the stream like a twig or a leaf and floating away. The point is to teach ourselves that we have control of our thoughts at all times.
So, next year when Homemade Almond Rocca makes its way into my hands, I will be dropping it off in a stream.
I love it! For me, it was a pound of fudge... just sitting there innocently on my passenger seat in my car....
ReplyDeleteI love this! I almost knocked over an old lady to get a piece of cake last week. The inhale/exhale idea sounds great and I plan to try that next time I feel out of control.
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