Tall, non-fat, one Splenda added, cup of Truth

Starbucks coffee may have a double-use as a truth elixir. I haven't heard of this before, but it might be true.

Last weekend while sitting outside Starbucks in the early fall sun, my sweet friend and I were enjoying a cup of truth serum. It is the first time that I am sharing with her (really anyone) that I have begun posting my lies for all to see. She is encouraging. So much so, that she begins to share some of her lies, which she sees as common "truths" between us.

K and I are the same height, basically the same age, we both have two boys (who are the same age), and coincidentally we have both married men younger than we are. And, yes, we weigh about the same. So, when she says to me "...and, you know, we'll never be skinny", my heart sinks. Now that I am thinking back, I'm not sure she used the word skinny, but that's what I heard. ARGH! The words from her mouth floated into my ears, down my ear canal, and are registered by my brain. What she has said stings me in a way I can't properly articulate. I feel a lump in my throat, and disappointment fills the pit of my stomach.

I talk to people all the time who live on both sides of this particular lie (let's call it the eye lie). The one where you don't see yourself as others do. Side one is "I am bigger" than reality, and side two is "I am smaller" than reality. But K revealed another level to the lie for me...the "never will be" subset. For once, this is a lie that I am not willing to believe. I am not willing to buy into the lie that says I am genetically predisposed to be my current shape. My mom is a slim build, my grandma's as well, so why am I different?

I don't recall a time that I haven't heard something to the effect of 'you are just big boned'. In fact, I remember my dad saying (not long after he moved to Wisconsin, and we were discussing the idea of me living there - I was 15) "all the women here are bigger. you know, there are cold winters here; they need the extra fat. so you'll fit right in. you'll be slim by comparison". And yet, I'm NOT willing to believe this lie.

The Starbucks coffee may have eeked out a truth, but it won't make me believe.